Thursday, November 29, 2012

Breaking the silence

It's been a while since I have done any writing here. Not because I haven't had any good ideas for writing or reasons to do so. My absence from the blogosphere is mostly because I haven't made it a priority. There is also the issue of my not feeling worthy of talking about things in an intellectual frame that I am not experiencing. Here is my effort toward putting a foot forward in that direction.

In much of my most recent soul searching I have come to realize the dangers in being somewhat of a loner in my walk with Christ. Aside from the most obvious feelings of loneliness and isolation as I have yet to commit myself to a body of believers who meet regularly, there has also been a void in my progression of spiritual growth. All my dreams of belonging to a family of believers who are devoted to learning to live by the indwelling life of Christ together remain in the dreamworlds. Maybe my dream is too big. Maybe I'm just growing impatient. Maybe my dreams are toxic to others and The Lord is protecting everyone from me. Maybe I'm about to round a corner and see some light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe I should just give up.

The stillness is unsettling

The darkness is unnerving

The uncertainty is uncomfortable

The doubts are overwhelming

The temptations seem inescapable

What do I do? Where do I go? How do I respond? Who else has had this experience? When will it end? I'm full of questions without answers. So my pen remains horizontal and my pages empty. Hopefully, that will change...soon. As I attempt to overcome all that I lack and share what it's like to be inside my own head, be prepared, I suggest you be on guard. They say that an isolated Christian is a dangerous Christian and