N.T. Wright Interview: “Simply Jesus” & Wright Responds to Critics

I recently read Simply Jesus by N.T. Wright.  I haven't written any reviews on it or anything but I did thoroughly enjoy reading it.  In fact, in many of my recent conversations I have found myself referring back to many of the things I discovered through this work.  I highly recommend it to all of you and if you are interested in a review of the book from my perspective just let me know.  I would be glad to provide that.

Recently  Frank Viola posted an interview  he did with Wright about this book.  If you are considering the purchase of Simply Jesus you should go and check out this interview.

A little shameless promotion never hurt anyone, right?

The Shepherd and Ewe: a story of restoration

I heard an illustration once about how shepherds bring a wandering sheep back to the flock.  I don't know how true it is.  I've never asked a real shepherd about it and I'm too lazy to Google it to find out.  Not that it matters.  It stuck with me and it has given me a valuable insight into our relationship with Christ.  Even if it is untrue, I'm sure it would work for the shepherds.  Here is a story based on that illustration.

The Shepherd and ewe

The shepherd looks out over the meadow, counting his flock, considering each one.  Like a father to his children he knows his sheep better than he knows himself.  He has even given them all names that only he knows.  He moves his gaze from one sheep to another, taking in how dramatically different they are.  All that diversity and yet they form one cohesive group.  They live and move as one.  He basks in the beauty and enjoys his work.

He stops.

One is missing.

Suddenly his care, concern and joy in the flock is transferred to the ewe that is missing.  He is compelled to leave the flock and restore the one that has wandered.

He searches relentlessly.  The shepherd knows every thing there is to know about this member of the flock so he knows in which direction to start looking.  He finds some tracks and spots the lost one in the distance.  As he draws near he can see that it is stuck in some thorny weeds and unable to free itself.  He moves in closer and begins to free the animal from the entanglement.  He is ever so careful as he pulls away each weed.  The shepherd does not want to cause the creature any more harm than what has already been done by the thorns that have been piercing from all sides.  With great love and affection he is able to completely free the ewe from the mess.

The newly liberated animal is now free again and so it proceeds to scamper off and flee from the reach of the one that just set it free from its own prison of piercing and choking weeds.  The shepherd takes chase, his own determination to reconcile this lost sheep driving him to not give up.  But the sheep has a mind and will of his own and is not going to submit to the shepherd easily.  The ewe wants to do things its own way.  The shepherd does the only thing he can do in order to bring the wandering one back to the flock.  He catches up with the animal and uses his staff to break its legs.

The crack of its bones is like thunder in the sky.

Now utterly incapable of running away, the sheep howls in pain as the loving shepherd picks it up and places the burden of its weight upon his own shoulders.  Without the use of its legs, those tools of independance and self will, the creature could not follow him even if it was willing to.  The ewe is completely helpless and must be carried.

Once restored back to the pasture where the flock has been grazing together the shepherd must give special attention to the newly reconciled one.  It's wounds must be tended to and it must be fed by the shepherds hand as it is unable to move about on its own.  The sheep is totally dependant on the shepherds provision to sustain its life.  Once it has been nursed back to full health it will know and trust the shepherd.  The desire to have its own way somewhere out in the wilderness will be seen as complete foolishness.

Even so, it is still a sheep and sheep are stupid.  Even with such a loving shepherd you never know what a stupid sheep might do.

Smoking in the boys room

I'll never forget my exodus from church camp at the age of fourteen.

It was a summer like every other.  Flocks of kids from clean-cut middle to upper class homes all gathered together for a week of fun in the sun.  Pool time, prank time and time away from the adults to make your move on the hottest girl in Sunday School with short intermissions of cheesy songs and uncomfortable looking counselors talking about things from the Bible that they thought we would find interesting.  It was good clean fun, you know: diving competitions, kickball, shaving cream fights, hanging someone's underwear from the flagpole, and midnight adventures to the local graveyard.  Everyone always had a blast.

At camp I felt like I was the only one who didn't fit in.  Not because I wasn't accepted by my peers but because I knew nothing about their "have what you want, when you want it because Jesus loves you" lifestyle.  That kind of thinking didn't even show up on my radar.  On the days prior to and following the week of church camp, my food was purchased with WIC vouchers and food stamps.  In fact, if it had not been for some generous folks in the congregation, I would not have been able to afford to attend camp at all.  This was the deepest darkest secret of my adolescence.  I was ashamed of living in poverty and did not want to lose the bond I had with my much more affluent friends.

It all came crashing down in the summer during my fourteenth year of age.  At this point in time I had picked up a habit demonstrated by every living adult who meant anything to me; smoking cigarettes.  It's true, every single person I can remember that loved me for who I was and not for who I fooled them into believing I was, was a smoker.  Smoking and being a loving person went together like love and marriage.  So, I tried it and after choking up a lung decided I liked it.  I liked it so much that I began hiding it from every adult in the tri-state area, sneaking a few out of the packs that were laying around my house from various adults which eventually led to shoplifting cigarettes to feed my addiction.  Over time, I got more sophisticated in my techniques and was able to find adults that would buy them for me.  Those were the best...the ones bought with my hard earned money in my very own brand of choice.  This was the pack I carried with me to church camp that summer.

I had it all worked out.  I had friends who were in on my secret and they would be my lookout.  I had the schedule memorized and the optimal times to sneak away for a smoke all figured out.  It was not a flawless plan.  Once an adult caught wind of nicotine in the air, the hunt was on and eventually I was the marked target.  I would now have to pay for my sins and be put away from the flock.  As they say:   little leaven leavens the whole lump.

I vividly remember the pastor bringing be into a private room, taking out my delicious pack of Marlboro Red's and going completely mental as he broke every one with veins pulsing in his forehead and the look of pure disgust on his face.  "I'm doing this because I love you" he tells me.  Huh, I thought.  Strange love.

After he took out all his emotions on my helpless pack of cancer sticks he escorted me out to the pool where all the other kids were playing.  He got everyone's attention so that I could obey his command to confess to everyone my addiction to cigarettes and let them all know that I was leaving.  It is my most embarrassing memory to date and I owe it all to the Pastor who "loved" me enough to put me through it.

Whenever I return to this time in my mind the feelings come flooding back.  Embarrassment, shame, fear, guilt, rejection, anger, sadness all coursed through my veins simultaneously.  A sweaty little teenage boy hoping to find someone who would accept me in spite of my failures.

That is exactly what I found at home.  My mom seemed surprised when the pastor walked me up to the door and exposed my errors.  After suggesting some of what he considered to be justified consequences for my transgression, he turned back to his truck and made way back to the campground.  My mom sat me down and told me that smoking was stupid.  She should know.  Then she told me that it wasn't my smoking that disappointed her.  It was my lying to her and hiding from her.

Everything changed within me at that moment.

My emotions all began twisting and turning at this new revelation.  I hurt my mom and she was one of the only ones I knew who really did love me.  It was the first time I understood what my sin really was and it had nothing to do with nicotine.  It had to do with my relationships.  As I thought about the importance of my relationship with my mom and the other people who cared for me I had lied to I felt like smoking was no longer even an issue.

I wonder if it ever occurred to the pastor just how damaging his "love" would have been to me if I didn't have my mom there to demonstrate what love really was.  She didn't go mad, put on a furious face and seek to embarrass me.  No, she revealed to me the importance of our relationship and accepted me, cigarettes, failures and all.

Because that is what love does, that is what God does.

________________________________________________________________

Do you have a story that has changed your view of love?

Quarantine and community

For the last two weeks I have lived in a petri dish. The CDC put a huge white bubble around our home to confine the infection and protect the surrounding neighbors. My wife and I were reduced to pill popping lumps beneath a comforter on the sofa.

Incapacitated

Miserable

Rendered completely useless

There is no way to be a productive member of society in this condition, or good parents for that matter. Thankfully, several families stepped up to bring us meals on some of the worst days. We even conned a couple folks to keep Chloe away from the quarantined area for a few days. Our boys, on the other hand, were subjected to the dangers of their highly contageous mother and father on a consistent and daily basis. Through much prayer and a broken record of "get away" and "dont touch me" playing, they were able to avoid infection.

So far, so good.

Today were all back on the up and up thanks to many prayers on our behalf along with a couple shots in the rear end, eye drops, cough drops and enough ibuprophen and antibiotic pills to choke a mule. As I reflect on what the Lord was teaching me through all this (because all things work for good and He loves to discipline His children), I realized just how helpless we really are on our own, even when we are in perfect health.  We really need each other.  A member that has been separated from the body doesn't form another body.  It dies and decays and then stinks really bad until it becomes nothing and is blown away by passing winds.  Which brings me to my next point.

The Body of Christ is not confined to the membership roles of those who gather at a particular location.  Even if that is how a person thinks of it, it is not true.  We are all inter-connected with one another and we all receive life and instruction from the same source, the Head.  My eyes have been opened to the beauty of being a member of the Body of Christ.  Even as someone who has abandoned traditional church services and doesn't have his name on any membership roles, I am still intricately connected with, necessary to and dependent upon the other members of Christ body.  As long as I remain attatched to Christ the Head I also remain attatched to all those who are attached to Him as well.  Even if I'm not attatched to a pew every Sunday.  The fullness of Christ lives in each one of us and in Him we all live and move and have our being...together.  We can be separated by wide areas of geography and still be one and share the same life while two others can sit side by side but feel miles apart inside.  It all depends on the level at which we abide in Him.
 
I am so very thanful to be a part of such a loving body of believers.  Yes, I am simply speaking of the believers who know and love us in our community since we don't really "belong" to any particular group or organization.  And I'm looking forward to the ways the Lord will serve them through me in the coming future.

Anyways, that's my rambling for this particular day.  Oh, by the way, the CDC never really came to our home, but I was expecting them to at any minute.

So what has the Lord been teaching you this past week?

Life as an avatar

We've all done it.  We scour the web and our computer files looking for the perfect picture to use on our profile.  Some picture that sends just the right message, an image that defines who we want to be...at least for the moment...to everyone who happens to get a glimpse of our online presence.  Obviously, I like to be known as the edgy guy with supposed to be purple but somehow looks pink hair.  Hair that I am very proud of and love telling others why I did it.  Well, my hair has grown back to its natural color now but you cant tell that from my profile pic.  Why?  Because my natural hair is not as edgy of course!

Even if you saw me face to face, chances are I'll still have on a sort of profile pic.  I'll be sporting my avatar around every quasi-acquaintance I come into contact with to promote an image of myself that is, well...false.  Only those who really know me will know I'm a fraud.  I think it is in our nature behave like this.  We are fake and we don't even know it.  Maybe it's because we actually believe the lie ourselves.  Maybe it's because we hate who we really are, or were ashamed of what people would think if they got to know "the real me".  Or maybe we are just deceptive at our core and have become conscience-seared habitual liars.  Either way, I don't think there is a person alive who has escaped this tendency.  We've altogether become a society of avatars.

So how can we overcome such debauchery?  Surely Jesus was the most real dude that walked the face of the earth, right?  No guile in Him whatsoever.  Some things we know about Christ is that His appearance wasn't all that favorable.  He may have been downright homely looking.  He never spoke well of Himself before others in order to paint a picture of Himself that could be projected as their impression of Him.  What Christ did was work and He let those works speak for themselves.  He let those works speak for Him.  His works defined who He was and is.  We are told that He increased in the favor of both God and men.  Even during the missing years of Christ's life we know that people liked Him because of what he did.  Not just people, but God.

All the masks and facades we put on are all the manifestation of our sinful flesh.  The only way of escape is to live as Jesus lived by the same power that Jesus lived.  The power I'm referring to is Divine Life.  God's life in us, lived through us, to share life with others.  Going out and doing good works may be a good thing, but we will still be doing them for the wrong reasons.  We may increase in favor with man by that path but we will not increase in God's favor.  Instead if we live and work by the indwelling life and guidance of our Lord Jesus, His works will speak for themselves.  People will rise up and say that is a "godly bunch of folks right there" because the works they see will actually be God's works through us.  The only room for boasting will be the boasting we do in the Lord.

So let us burn all our masks and be satisfied with an appearance that may not be America's Next Top Model.  Let's go to Christ and learn to live by His indwelling life so that our works will speak for themselves.  May we always be working because Christ is always working and have good reason to look forward to the day when we may hear "well done my good and faithful servant" from the lips of our Father and creator as we take shape into the image He has made us in, His image.  As we leave behind our self life and live by Christ's (who is THE image of God) others can look upon us and our works as the living works of God and by them see the glory of God Himself.

Now go and be His Body, (but take off that silly mask first).

When it ebbs it flows

At least that is how life has been for me lately.  I know, its been a while since I've given you all a peek into my so called life and you're probably wondering what gutter I just crawled out of.  But here I am, back and just as plain and ordinary as ever, using this platform as a voice to shout the things that have been boiling inside me and also to jot down the continuous monotony of life in words that hopefully let someone know that you are not alone.  We're all in this together.

So as a bit of an update allow me to peel layer after layer off this stack of laundry that's been piling up.  Some call that cleaning out a closet but I'll settle for just describing the mess since my closet never seems to come clean.

A few months back I was contemplating the idea of taking time off from blogging and other social networking in order to focus my time and attention more on real face to face relationships.  Sounds all good and pious, right? Well it didn't actually go down like that.  Yes, I took time off from my usual online activity but only because I got sucked into a game from the Apple store.  That's right, Bobby has been mindlessly attending to a game with absolutely no eternal significance whatsoever.  And you know what?

I liked it.

Turns out the yearning I had to take a break wasn't so much because I wasn't doing enough to please God but was just simply the fact that I needed a break.  So, I took one, and it was good.  Sure, I could have spent that time building relationships with my family and teaching my children more about Christ.  You could say I probably should have and you might be right.  Lord knows I'm not the father I'd like to be most of the time.  That's probably because I shoot for the stars and have a goal to be just like my heavenly Father.  Hey!  It could happen :)  Even so, to be the best father I can be I need to have a break every now and then and quite frankly, by the end of last year I was burned out.

So this is one of the ways I've been....well.....ebbing.  Hopefully soon I can share with you some of the ways life has been flowing as well.  Till then pray that I do not fall into another bottomless pit of seduction known as an Apple App.

Also, it would be nice to know if anyone missed me.  I don't want to believe that this blog is a complete waste of my time and as any blogger knows:  comments are like currency.

Shift

As we walk through this life we sometimes come across the thoughts and examples of others that challenge and inspire us. They impart to us something we've never seen or heard before. For me that teaching came through the ministry of a man named T. Austin Sparks. Call it what you want, when we run in to these folks we cannot help but to stop, listen and learn. We must take time for consideration, contemplation, meditation and action. Our life and practice cannot remain the same when our whole paridigm has changed. It's like we have been given the ability to see and hear for the first time and all we want to do is explore everything our new senses can take in. Even if we have to leave behind everything that makes us comfortable and head in the direction of a great unknown we are compelled to go and follow that rainbow until we reach the end where the treasure is located or maybe even to go over the rainbow to a land filled with mystery and intrigue. That's what it's like to have your mind changed by a heavenly vision or revelation.

While you may never leave your location the fact remains, you're not in Kansas anymore.

I've been swept up in a whirlwind of mind altering and life changing views. While this shift in perspective has its foundation in a recent revelation of the person of Christ it has implications that effect my views on church practice and my everyday walk through life. This ovewhelming notion is THE purpose for which God created the world: to expand and magnify His glory through a community of creatures who share His Divine Life. This purpose, of course, is brought about by Christ, through Christ and in Christ as it was planned out before the foundation of the world. From the tree of Life in the garden of Eden to the tree on Calvary that crucifies the flesh to the tree of Life in heaven that gives life to the bride revealed as a city who is the eternal habitation of God, all things move toward this eternal purpose of God. Today we are a part of this purpose and through death to our selfishness and carnal knowledge we thrive on the indwelling Life of Christ and pour ourselves out for others. Together we become a suitable dwelling place for God and a body for Him to express Himself to His creation which has lost sight of its purpose for existence. Maybe this is old hat for you but for me this is paradigm shifting stuff.

Since seeing these truths my whole focus has shifted. No longer am I interested in regularly scheduled religious rituals and practices in the name of Christ. Church as we know it today no longer satisfies my longings for Him. I need much more in regards to relationship with Christ through His body. The only route I see to get there is to gather with other believers where we can share His life with one another. No, wait, "can" isn't good enough either. There must be a gathering where every believer is not only allowed but encouraged and expected to participate and edify the others. What I desire is an assembling of the church where every member of Christ's body is free to function in order to build one another up into Christ where the love of Christ is shared as we consider others more highly and how to stir them up. This is the mind of Christ and this is what we have been given as His body. As we rest and abide in Him, He lives His life through us and builds His church. This simply does not happen in a traditional worship service gathering.

It's a lonely road we've taken. In search and hopes of more intimate relationships with other believers we've ceased from attending the institutional gatherings that normally result in shallow community. Because we refuse to settle for the religious masquerade it often seems like we're all alone on a road to nowhere. Sure, there are other believers out there with the same vision and desire as us but they are too distant geographically to share body life with us in any meaningful way daily. Even so, God has granted us this vision and desire. He has shared with us His desire to be a part of His eternal purpose and we will wait as He works in other members and eventually gives birth to a body that is wholly devoted to living under the headship of Christ. We will corporately display His majesty to the world as a body of flesh and blood made of many members. One day the vision will be a reality. One day our faith will be made sight. One day I won't think I'm going crazy. One day the mouths of the mockers will be shut.

One day...

(I'm a little late but this was written as a part of  november’s synchroblog–calling us out of numbness.  Here's a list of the others:)

Joy Wilson at Solacetree- The Blessing of Losing Your Faith

Jeremy Myers at Till He Comes – I Have a Dream

Glenn Hager at Breathe – Uncomfortably Numb

Linda at Kingdom Grace – On Earth as it is in Heaven

Sally at Eternal Echoes – Where are the True Prophets?

Tammy Carter at Blessing the Beloved – No Compromise

Alan Knox at The Assembling of Church – My Word of Prophecy:  Quit Listening to Prophetic Voices

Liz at Gracerules – Listen

Christine Sine at Godspace – Surrounded by Prophetic Voices: Clouds of Witnesses That Call Us Out of Numbness

Amy Martin – The Window of Suffering, the Beginning of Hope 

Kathy Escobar at The Carnival in My Head- Rising Up From Below 

K.W. Leslie at More Christ – What is God Challenging You to Do?

Katherine Gunn at Truth Makes Freedom – Where is Your Heart? 

Steve Hayes at Khanya – Murder of the Cathedral

Leah Chang at desertsspiritsfire – Wall Street, Our Street

Church marketing voodoo

In our consumeristic American culture it is a common thing to take Jesus and dress him up in flashy, trendy clothes, put an ear-tickling message in his mouth and promote him with the latest form of advertising prowess in order to attract others to him.  We take our cues from Apple and Starbucks on how to be successful evangelists.  Jamie the Very Worst Missionary has written a post on this subject called Creepy Coffee Voodoo.  She connects the dots from successful coffee marketing and the resulting epic fail of the coffee's flavor to modern church marketing schemes and the impending results by sharing some thoughts from an email she received from a pastor.  They raise some serious questions.

" he went on to tell me how his experience at church feels hollow, how he's weirded out by the rock-concert he attends every Sunday, and how he feels like his church is masking the Gospel with all kinds of other things just to get people in the door, which is working, but he feels bad because the people are buying into this false idea of who Jesus is and what He's going to ask of them if they follow him. Then he called the whole business of Church "creepy Jesus-VooDoo", and said something about how "marketing magic" can fill our pews, but our hearts will remain empty if we keep inviting people to meet their Savior under false pretense."

 Immediately in my mind I see a frightening image of (insert your favorite prosperity preacher here) with his creepy grin bearing his wolf-like fangs.  Then it hits a little closer to home and I think of some worship services I have attended that were very emotionally charged and entertaining.  Both of these are certainly examples of a false pretense but are popular attractions to fill the seats on Sunday morning.  As I think more and more about our magical methods, I wonder if maybe there is more to it than just these obvious examples.  

There must be more if we have buildings full of professing believers who are faithfull attendees of our meetings but are unfaithful in their day to day walk.  Somehow "Jesus saves" has become nothing more than a mantra of sorts who claim His blood has covered their sins but show no fruits in keeping with a changed heart.  It's as though Jesus is nothing more than a long haired, scrawny, sweet talking cosmic sugar daddy who acts as our divine vending machine.  What happens when we don't get what we want but instead He gives us a cross to carry to our death through suffering, persecution, and selflessness?  I suppose many will go on hoping to have their desires met while few will adopt Christ's desires and enter the narrow way.

Anyway, it was food for thought.  You should check out her post.

Can you think of any other magical ways christendom has adopted to lure people into the fold? 

I'm a dreamer

I harp a lot on how church as we know it with it's sermon centered gathering doesn't measure up to the body life we see in scripture.  It's not because I don't like sermons or because I have something against preachers.  Rather it is due to God's glorious design for His house that we see displayed in the text of the New Testament as a result of the outworking life of Christ in believers.  A body of Christ that builds itself up in love when they are gathered together is a forgotten paradigm of church practice.  I want you to imagine this dream with me.

A brother and I have been studying the letter to the Phillipians together.  At our most recent meeting we began working our way through chapter 2 which begins as follows:

So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:1-4 ESV)

In two hours of discussion we couldn't move past these verses.  We were locked in to sharing all the riches that are ours in Christ and how those riches empower us to follow Paul's exhortation to the church in Phillipi.   For the first time ever when reading this passage I could see God's purpose in building the church very clearly.  That purpose is for all of the redeemed to be built up into Christ. So we are to have the same mind, same passion, and with the same goal to build others up into Christ.  Can you imagine how buff Christ's body would be if every member had this mind and goal?  We cannot even begin to imagine the impact God's  kingdom would have if every believer everywhere was devoted to building others up in Christ.  As I got lost in these meditations and fantasies I was reminded of Eph 4

And he gave the apostles, the prophets, the evangelists, the shepherds and teachers, to equip the saints for the work of ministry, for building up the body of Christ, until we all attain to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood, to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love. (Ephesians 4:11-16 ESV emphasis obviously mine)

I used to think of this verse as a sort of proof-text for having certain church officers and positions of authority.  Then one day I saw the word "until" and it completely changed my understanding of these verses.  That word "until" is one of the most overlooked and ignored words in all the Bible in my opinion.  When we overlook the "until" we ignore the goal of God's purpose in building the church and fail to move on into the resulting blessings of a multi-member functioning body that meets to edify one another.  Notice the wonderful results of a body that builds itself up:

• the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, 
• to mature manhood, 
• to the measure of the stature of the fullness of Christ, 
• we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine
• we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ

Isn't that completely glorious??!!

That is why I am so adamant about throwing out our present church practices, traditions and liturgies and having gatherings where every member is expected, encouraged and equipped to minister to the body.  Its because I've been consumed with this same passion to see Christ clearly manifested in a corporate body.   I'm not talking about reforming practices by adding or tweaking existing programs like Sunday school or small groups.  I'm talking about a gathering that could not be scheduled and orchestrated because each member brings what the Lord desires for them to share as they have abided in His indwelling life throughout the recent days.  I'm talking about sharing that small piece of Christ you discovered with the rest of the body to build them up and receiving the other pieces that are brought as we are all built up into Him.

You might think that I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one.

Raped by religion and the promiscuity of worship services

When I read this on Facebook I was shocked.  I wanted to share it with you all to see what you think.  It is entitled "no sex before marriage" and was originally posted by a fella named Ransom Backus in the group called The Life of Christ.  I received permission to re-post it here in its entirety.

He writes:

Often times, God has shown me that worship, genuine, meaningful worship is intimate. Often, I compare worship to love-making. It is that special, intimate time with God that we share with other Christians, joining together as one body as Christ's bride.
There is a horrific attitude in churches today that I need to address. That attitude is that we are somehow REQUIRED to sit there and simply have worship dictated to us. I recently had a dialogue with a pastor of an institutional church where he insisted and pressured me to sit in his church service and participate in the worship. That is simply what is expected of me if he is going to work with me.
I slammed my fist on the table and said "NO! Relationship FIRST, then worship."
I thought about my words and realized something very deep in my emotional reaction. This man told me that I needed to just come on Sunday and let all of my guards down, be completely open and vulnerable in worship without any discernment at all. Translation: Take your clothes off, open your legs and let us in.
Looking back at it I see that my reaction was justified. How dare people insist that we just show up and be vulnerable with the most intimate things in our lives without having any context of love and relationship!
I went on to tell this person that love and relationships are more important to me than what takes place on Sundays. I don't trust ANYONE with that most intimate part of my soul and spirit unless I know they fully love and value me. I don't take the words of strangers who have not proven an authentic, tried and true love, willingness to stick with me through anything, into my most intimate places! I am not a whore, sorry.
There is an attitude of premarital sex rampant in the Church today. Intimate worship first, then the relationship. I was further flared up when I discussed the nature of worship.
He told me that I needed to participate in worship. I replied "I can't, everything is being done on stage for me. The words are pre-scribed and it isn't in me to sing those words."
To which he replied "Then make those words your own."
I said "I already HAVE my own words but I can't express them because its too noisy!"
I reeled when I pondered taking words that I don't agree with and making them my own, that is, making them a part of my intimate expression to God. Honestly, it feels like rape, or at least like prostitution. How dare a stranger insist that he touch me there! How dare a stranger take that most intimate part of me and tell me what to do with it without even bothering to be in my world and love me deeply!
Worship is sacred. Worship is intimate. No one has any right to dictate or tell you how to worship or the means by which you worship. No one has any right to tell you what to sing or speak. It can't be pre-scribed. Singing someone else's words, unless they strike a deep chord in me already, is akin to watching a porno movie while being intimate with my wife. It is sterile, impersonal, and cheap!
When I worship God, I don't need words on a screen. In fact, the words on the screen are a bit distracting and the music is kind of a mood killer. When I worship God I sing or speak from deep inside of myself, from what is within and it comes out as unique and authentic.
Yes, sometimes I do play a certain CD to sing along with, but they are songs which closely resonate with what is already inside of me. Not just any old song will do. It already mirrors the expressions of love for God that are in me.
Pastors and "worship leaders" should take heed. Worship is personal, it is intimate, and it is based on vulnerability and trust. In corporate worship, which I DO believe is biblical and right, vulnerability and trust are not to be automatically demanded, but are given willingly based on the level of safety and love felt by the person doing it. I take my clothes off and am completely expressive with myself with only one person, that person who has shown a deep level of trust, respect and love for me.
Do not put the cart before the horse and expect intimacy and vulnerability first. Rather let that come on its own as trust and relationship and love are built.
In other words, don't have sex before marriage.