Friday, October 14, 2011

Raped by religion and the promiscuity of worship services

When I read this on Facebook I was shocked.  I wanted to share it with you all to see what you think.  It is entitled "no sex before marriage" and was originally posted by a fella named Ransom Backus in the group called The Life of Christ.  I received permission to re-post it here in its entirety.

He writes:

Often times, God has shown me that worship, genuine, meaningful worship is intimate. Often, I compare worship to love-making. It is that special, intimate time with God that we share with other Christians, joining together as one body as Christ's bride.
There is a horrific attitude in churches today that I need to address. That attitude is that we are somehow REQUIRED to sit there and simply have worship dictated to us. I recently had a dialogue with a pastor of an institutional church where he insisted and pressured me to sit in his church service and participate in the worship. That is simply what is expected of me if he is going to work with me.
I slammed my fist on the table and said "NO! Relationship FIRST, then worship."
I thought about my words and realized something very deep in my emotional reaction. This man told me that I needed to just come on Sunday and let all of my guards down, be completely open and vulnerable in worship without any discernment at all. Translation: Take your clothes off, open your legs and let us in.
Looking back at it I see that my reaction was justified. How dare people insist that we just show up and be vulnerable with the most intimate things in our lives without having any context of love and relationship!
I went on to tell this person that love and relationships are more important to me than what takes place on Sundays. I don't trust ANYONE with that most intimate part of my soul and spirit unless I know they fully love and value me. I don't take the words of strangers who have not proven an authentic, tried and true love, willingness to stick with me through anything, into my most intimate places! I am not a whore, sorry.
There is an attitude of premarital sex rampant in the Church today. Intimate worship first, then the relationship. I was further flared up when I discussed the nature of worship.
He told me that I needed to participate in worship. I replied "I can't, everything is being done on stage for me. The words are pre-scribed and it isn't in me to sing those words."
To which he replied "Then make those words your own."
I said "I already HAVE my own words but I can't express them because its too noisy!"
I reeled when I pondered taking words that I don't agree with and making them my own, that is, making them a part of my intimate expression to God. Honestly, it feels like rape, or at least like prostitution. How dare a stranger insist that he touch me there! How dare a stranger take that most intimate part of me and tell me what to do with it without even bothering to be in my world and love me deeply!
Worship is sacred. Worship is intimate. No one has any right to dictate or tell you how to worship or the means by which you worship. No one has any right to tell you what to sing or speak. It can't be pre-scribed. Singing someone else's words, unless they strike a deep chord in me already, is akin to watching a porno movie while being intimate with my wife. It is sterile, impersonal, and cheap!
When I worship God, I don't need words on a screen. In fact, the words on the screen are a bit distracting and the music is kind of a mood killer. When I worship God I sing or speak from deep inside of myself, from what is within and it comes out as unique and authentic.
Yes, sometimes I do play a certain CD to sing along with, but they are songs which closely resonate with what is already inside of me. Not just any old song will do. It already mirrors the expressions of love for God that are in me.
Pastors and "worship leaders" should take heed. Worship is personal, it is intimate, and it is based on vulnerability and trust. In corporate worship, which I DO believe is biblical and right, vulnerability and trust are not to be automatically demanded, but are given willingly based on the level of safety and love felt by the person doing it. I take my clothes off and am completely expressive with myself with only one person, that person who has shown a deep level of trust, respect and love for me.
Do not put the cart before the horse and expect intimacy and vulnerability first. Rather let that come on its own as trust and relationship and love are built.
In other words, don't have sex before marriage.


  1. I just wrote a small deal about relationships first on my blog.

    This post makes a lot of sense. I like the angle taken to look at a serious subject.

    Thanks for posting.


  2. I don't think there is anything mutual or intimate in the pew orientation. There is little worship in the pew. Worship requires obedience first. Pew sitting with no one another life is disobedience, so this rules out worship. There is no filling of the Spirit without speaking to one another in psalms, hymns, ..... I think it's more prostitution - going after alternative experience that has no love - than rape. That pastor wants no intimacy. He has no time for that or interest.


As in a biblical church gathering, my word is not complete or final. Participation is allowed, encouraged and expected. Please, don't leave without adding something.