Tuesday, April 24, 2012

You Don't Know Jack

...or Jill.  In fact, apart from your spouse, children and closest co-workers, you probably don't know anyone.

There was a time in my school days when I skipped a particular class for several days in a row. The class was completely boring and I didn't see how it would have any practical use in my life after school. On the day that I returned I discovered that there would be a test on the following day. No problem, the class was such a breeze I could easily cram for the test that afternoon and probably score an "A" on it with ease. So that is precisely what I did and with confidence I went to class the next day well prepared to ace the test. There was just one little issue: I studied the wrong material.

That is precisely the dilemma one faces as they venture out in search for community in church life. Anyone who has Christ in them has this intrinsic desire for deep fellowship and community with other believers. It’s evident by the programs and meetings we plan and put together. There are community groups built around all sorts of interests and needs. People get together for bible studies, accountability, addiction recovery, marital status, and many other commonalities. I’ve been a part of each of these types of groups. The problem is that these groups do not form lasting communities, at least not in my experience.

Take accountability groups for instance. The idea is that if you can get a group of people together who are willing to share their deepest struggles with one another what you have is a recipe for growth and community. The problem is, we have all been studying the wrong material. We don’t know how to be transparent and honest with one another. What we know is what we’ve been trained for. We know how to hide our struggles and put on a happy face. We like our shallow conversations. When we get together and try to break those habits by confessing sins to one another other habits begin to appear. Some are judgmental and unforgiving. Their attitude is perceived by the rest of the group and slowly people retreat from being honest. Everyone sticks to the script and answers a list of predefined questions. Some learn to hide their deepest struggles by confessing the ones that the group finds easiest to talk about. Others ignore their own shortcomings by focusing on trying to fix the surface level confessions of everyone else. Like a pool that has been drained for cleaning they play in the deep end but there is no depth to the waters.

Shallow living can only be overcome one way that I now of. The only way to grow beyond empty surface relationships is by sharing life together. We have to hang out with each other, share meals together, go out together, and call each other when we are apart. All of our trash will float to the surface and be revealed eventually by those we spend the most time with. Just ask your co-worker and your spouse if you don’t believe me. The ability to love one another amongst the floating filth and the desire to join in the cleaning up process is what living in community is all about. This only happens if we jump into a pool that is full of life and are willing to wade out past the shallows and into the deep end.

Let’s be honest. If we were given a test about how our brothers and sisters in Christ are doing, the bubble next to “I’m good, how are you?” would be the only option we would be comfortable filling in. Most of us don’t know jack about our family in Christ because all our lives we have been studying the wrong material.  All we know is how to get along together without any friction.  We have no idea what it means to be totally diverse in personality and function but completely and perfectly united in Christ alone.


So….what are you going to do about it?



16 comments:

  1. The focus should not be on community as such, but on the Lord Jesus Christ. It is not an earthly community, but a heavenly. As we draw nearer to Him we are drawn closer to one another. It is not necessary to eat together, play together, hang together. It is as we follow our Captain and keep Him always in view that Spiritual community will happen. I speak from thirty-some years of experience.

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    1. Rissa, I absolutely agree. Putting community first, as a means to discovering Christ in us together, is putting the cart before the horse. You're 30+ years experience helps you to see these depths much more clearly than I. From my perspective, I'm still discovering some of the root problems that came as a result of studying the wrong material for so long.

      Trusting God to build a community apart from my own strength is one of my biggest struggles right now. I just want to do something to help it along but the only effective thing I can do to have lasting results is to seek after Christ and rest in Him.

      Community comes as a result of our focus on Christ, that is worth meditating on.

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  2. Can't disagree one bit. Great blog. Will share with youth if u don't mind

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    1. Of course you can, in fact I'd be honored. To be honest I think youth have us beat considerably in this category. When I consider how "themselves" they seem to be on say...facebook and then look at how they behave almost like caged animals in church gatherings, it breaks my heart. We are setting this example for them and they only feel free when they are away from the religious gathering.

      If we are free in Christ and walk in complete liberty in him, what that says to me is these kids feel closer to Christ on every other day but Sunday.

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  3. If you are asking me, of course I don't mind. I have found that I have been warped, bent, twisted and misled by religion. I am finding that this WAY, is very practical, down to earth, up my street, restful and fulfilling. I am my Lord's and He is mine and I know a few people who have discovered this same thing and we love to meet and share HIM!

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  4. Bobby, The fellowship that I am a part of has taken the 30 years to arrive at the place it is today. It is a very bold and fearful thing to trust the Lord, totally, in building His church. One has to have explicit trust in the Holy spirit. You cannot follow any guidelines, no matter how good and right they are. The Body of Christ is an organism, not an organization. It is so different than church services. One must throw ALL formulas away and allow Him to lead and believe me this will be sorely tested, whether we dare do it. Especially sometimes when the Spirit waits for an indefinite period of time before there is anything done or said. We meet exactly as we would meet for a picnic or in the grocery store, sometimes it is just a visiting time for a few minutes, but with a consciousness that we are gathered in His name. It is all spontaneous. No one leads. It is hardest for those who have a controlling spirit. It takes much forbearance and long suffering with one another. It is not a perfect thing (in our idea of perfect)but it is alive and functioning and thriving and the longer we are associated, the more we are drawn into a relationship of love and trust, and we aren't afraid to bare our hearts to one another. This is just a peep at what we have found in our little corner of the world. Hope it will stir you to seek for such where you live. All you need to begin in two or three and bare your thoughts about it.

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    1. Two or three, that is a simple beginning. Thank you.

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  5. I don't think our relationship to Christ can ever be stronger than our relationship to other believers.

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    1. wow Ron, strong statement!

      I certainly agree, our desire for deeper waters in relation to one another goes hand in hand with our desire "to know Him more".

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  6. Really enjoy being here.

    I agree fully. Personally, I experienced this w/ friend from my hometown (OH; we moved to CO 2 years ago). We pretty much talked "at" each other while at the same church & in the same "D-group" (lifegroup, what-have-you). Two whole years passed and I barely knew this woman.

    After moving, we stayed in touch (somehow) over the phone. I don't know what it was - a spark of vulnerability in me, or in her, but within a year of moving, she and I had an intense bond...I learned some ugly stuff about her and she learned some ugly stuff about me. And I'm not talking about losing your temper with your kids. Stuff that's deemed pretty socially unacceptable.

    Jesus is healing us both, but together, and I've learned some beautiful things about Him thru her journey (I'd venture to say she's done the same thru mine).

    Thanks for the reminder...growth comes after the first barbecue...:)(& I might add, face-to-face combat's not necessary for arming oneself against the devil, either).

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    1. Angie, thank you, that is an inspiring story. I hope your relationship continues to grow.

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  7. Community for community's sake is certainly not the goal of Jesus for his people. But without his family recognizing, treasuring, and cultivating the faith family, his goals for us on earth will not be realized. It takes a whole church family demonstrating what happens when God's Spirit creates a more accurate image of Jesus to reach the world.

    Notice that they never needed to preach the Great Commission, because of their God-given love for each other (far beyond our how-do-you-dos), the light of the gospel reached all over the Roman empire.

    The difficulty of reaching this condition - and its importance - seems to be emphasized by the fact that more is talked about inter-relationships, faith family unity, and loving one another than prayer, great commission, evangelism, Lord's Supper, baptism - put together. If the amount of time and references the Holy Spirit puts on a subject is related to its importance, we better pay some heed and this topic.

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    1. Amen, loving God and loving others are our highest priorities. Once we figure that out we will be free to tackle these other issues.

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  8. Really love your blog....you're depth & ability to share it is just incredible. I needed to read this & I will definitely be coming back to this blog over & over again!

    r.m. @ newviewfromhere.wordpress.com

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    1. Thanks for the encouragement bro :)

      You're welcome to come back anytime. We love readers, especially those who leave comments.

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