Monday, June 30, 2014

I saw you and I'm sorry

I saw you today.

I saw you and I didn't speak to you.  I'm sorry.  Hopefully I'm not as sorry as I could be, as sorry as I should be.  I'm afraid to watch the news and find out if my sorrows are multiplied and my inaction had fatal results.

I saw you today.  I saw you park your motorcycle.  I saw you realize there were several police inside, make a phone call and run across the highway.  I saw you meet with someone.  I saw you.

I saw you come back across the highway.  I saw you avoid line of sight with the officers exiting the building.  I saw your strange mannerisms.  I saw you jerk your arm in strange ways.  I saw you twist your face and contort it unnaturally.  I know you were high and I suspect I know what altered your state of mind.  I saw you.

I saw you get some jumper cables and attach them to the battery of your bike.  I saw you get it cranked.  I saw you approach the motorcycle, twitching and contorting and jerking your body in uncontrollable movements.  I sat and I watched.

I saw you ride away on a motorcycle, high as a kite and exhibiting very low levels of self-control.  I saw you and looking back I think I should have said something.  Maybe I could have stepped up and changed everything but I was afraid.  I was afraid of how you would have reacted.  I was afraid of heightened emotions and wasted energies of disappointment.   I was afraid.

I saw you and I was afraid.  Now I'm sorry.  Hopefully not as sorry as I could be, as I should be.  Not as sorry as I'll be if there is a news report of a motorcycle accident.  I know I can't change your mind so I kinda wish I could make better choices for you.  And then I realize how weak I am to make hard decisions myself.

I saw you today.  I saw you today and I didn't speak to you.  I'm sorry.

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