Monday, May 2, 2011

Reconstructing Marriage: how it all began.

I've been encouraged to continue this series by a brother who has been working on a similar series recently on patriarchy. Thank you, Arthur for your encouragement and hard work you have put in on your own blog dealing with this subject. I'm blogging from my mobile so inserting links is quite a challenge for someone who can't write code very well. Check out my blogroll to the right and click on The Voice of One Crying Out in Suburbia. That is Arthur's blogspot.

Okay, now on to how my reconstruction began in regards to marriage. Once upon a time, in a land near the sea, there lived a man and his wife, with their two very young boys. All was well in their little world as they looked forward to the arrival of the newest member of their family. Finally they would have the little girl they hoped for. As the time of her arrival grew near, the doctors began to worry about the little package in the womb. She wasn't growing like she should and so it was decided that mom should stay home and be on bed rest for the rest of her pregnancy.

Mom and dad grew closer together during this time. Praying earnestly and fervently for God to give them a happy and healthy baby girl. Dad was called into full time service every day after a hard 8+ hours of labor. He found joy in taking care of his wife and unborn child. She was humbled and appreciative at his consistent display of love.

One sunny Sunday afternoon upon returning from the worship service, dad remarked on how unashamedly the preacher taught on sexual immorality and pornography. Mom was not amused. She was not at all happy that the preacher man had put ideas and thoughts in the ears and minds of her little boys that she felt like they weren't ready for. Dad, on the other hand, being a big lover and advocate for expository sermons, defended the preaching and threw out the trump card: God is sovereign. No need to make a big fuss.

The line was drawn. On one side was mom and the freedom of parents to choose what their children are influenced by. On the other side was dad who said that the only way to compromise would be to take the boys out of the worship service or the family out of the church all together. The walls got bigger and the voices got louder.

Dad became increasingly worried about the health of their marriage. He went to his pastor one night at a small group meeting. He laid it all out for his pastor, seeking counsel. Pastor told him that dad was right and mom was wrong, therefore there could be no compromise. Mom must submit and obey. This is exactly what dad wanted to hear. Now armed with the backing of his biblically defined argument and the support of his elder thereby making him feel like he was on the side of truth and Almighty God, he went back to his wife and stood his ground.

Now, mom was tired of yelling over walls and she was not willing to have her boys subjected to adult content in a teaching setting against her approval. She threw her own trump card: divorce.

Dad was crushed. He felt confused and betrayed. That word had never been spoken between them. Suddenly it occurred to him, things were getting worse and any light at the end of the tunnel was nothing more than a train coming his way. Now was high time for him to seriously consider if he (his elders and his understanding of scripture) had been wrong. He was faced with a decision. Which came first in order of importance: his marriage or obedience to his church authority and the value of expository sermons.

Neither of them have sat in a pew and heard a sermon ever since. Dad put mom first, even if it meant he had to forsake the whole world and everything else he valued in order to have her. They have been living happily ever after since.

So that's my story, the cliffnotes version anyway. I'll come back and share how God has used this experience to lead me through a deconstruction and overhaul of many of the ideals that shaped me.  Stay tuned.  Same bat time, same bat channel.

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